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I am absolutely fascinated by any creature that carries its home on its back. Snails, tortoises, turtles, crabs; I love them all. I’ve felt this way for as long as I can remember, but to be honest, I’ve never had the motivation to understand this strange personality quirk.  That is, until now.   So, at exactly 11:16 pm PST, as most of the country is sleeping soundly, I am wide awake and contemplating all the reasons why I admire, respect, and am totally ga-ga over creatures of the shelled variety.  As a result, I have decided to come up with my own Top Ten (ok, Twelve) List of why shelled creatures totally rock! So here goes.

12. Shelled creatures really know how to take a “load off” at the end of the day.
11. Shelled creatures really mean it when they exclaim, “Get off my back!”
10. Shelled creatures instinctively know that life isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be.
9. Shelled creatures are indeed the most rock-solid friends you’ll ever find.
8. Shelled creatures can redecorate their landscape anytime they want.
7. Shelled creatures have tough exteriors but they’re really old softies on the inside.
6. Shelled creatures never have to vacuum the floor. They simply move on.
5. Shelled creatures are fun to go shopping with because they love American Express, and they never leave home without it.
4. Shelled creatures don’t have to perform grueling workouts at the gym to get hard bodies.
3. Shelled creatures in love don’t feel the pressure to move in together.
2. Shelled creatures never have to worry that their mates will come out of the closet. Their homes can’t even fit closets.
1. Shelled creatures don’t get harassed by their neighbors for living in mobile homes.

So, it is for these twelve reasons that I love to love snails and their exoskeleton counterparts. (And you thought this was going to be an educational piece on the mating ritual of snails didn’t you? Didn’t you, you sick freak?!!)